On coaching with Leona and life lessons
Feb. 19th, 2016
Just when I needed her guidance and counsel most, Leona seems to ‘desert’ me, cancelling not one or two but three coaching calls – and we won’t have spoken for over five weeks when we finally will have our next call Mid March….
No worries, this is not going to be a ‘complaining session’. I need to write down what is going on with me right now and what I do take away from it.
On the contrary, I want to show you what a difference coaching with Leona and her guidance makes to me in this sort of crisis.
First, my father passed last week. True, he wanted to leave for a long time, ever since his partner passed two and a half years ago. So this is a relief for him and also for us.
Yet, as I got messages from him, learning how his transition went and how different he is now (and believe me, I love this, how he feels and enjoys this lightness), I feel jealous, jealous of this wonderful state he is in – and wondering why I can’t have and be in this state here, now.
Second, during this time, I feel deserted and left alone by everyone around me: My family who left me to my own struggles and devices (and yes, handling almost all of the organizational tasks surrounding my father’s passing without so much as an acknowledgement for all the work), friends who for whatever reason don’t answer to my mails where I asked them to help me with something (and I am still in the process of even learning to ask for help), up to my husband and son who left me with all the work in the kitchen, having to make dinner (two different ones, don’t ask me for the reason why) while I was still working on my chocolates – having had a 10 hour day beforehand.
Believe me, I never felt lonelier in my life than at this precise moment, on Wednesday evening, standing in my kitchen, knowing I was all alone – and having to go through the funeral the next day.
Why am I writing this? Well, Leona’s guidance makes all the difference. Now, after months of coaching and guidance from her, I feel that this – whatever this is – is a big chance for me. Without crisis there is no going forward, no growing, I knew that for years. What I know NOW is this invaluable certainty that I have the choice right now: To incorporate fully what Leona teaches – LOVING MYSELF FULLY AND ACCEPTING MYSELF FULLY –and going forward in this knowledge, or let myself wallow in this feeling of ‘being left out’ (again). And yes, I felt this way my whole life, this is nothing new. What is new is this complete state of being on my own, me being the only one I can rely on.
This void, right now, is painful. Yet it also allows me to shed EVERYTHING, EVERYONE, AND REBUILD FROM THIS VOID.
What will come out of it? I don’t know, truly. Again, Leona’s coaching showed me clearly that letting go and letting things happen, living in the now, loving myself, being what I need always, is the way forward. And having been in Leona’s program now gives me this strength, trust in myself, and love in myself that I need and that will make something wonderful happen, even though right now it feels like ‘rock bottom’.
This feeling of certainty and love and compassion while being, in my mind, the most lonely person in the world right now – right there this is what Leona’s guidance has changed for me. It is a HUGE, MONUMENTAL CHANGE FOR ME. I feel for the first time in my life equipped to deal with what is happening while staying close to myself, loving myself and trusting myself enough to just let whatever will come my way happen in confidence and deep love.
So, was I unhappy and even a bit hurt by her cancelling the calls? You bet. Yet at the exact same moments, all these thoughts I have just written came to me, and I feel blessed and immensely grateful for the learning I just did. Leona, you have felt when it was the perfect time to let me swim on my own, thank you.
And this, right there, is the most powerful reason for me and the YES I felt when I won the scholarship for Leona’s coaching program. She just KNOWS, SHE JUST LOVES YOU, SHE JUST IS THERE FOR YOU – ON THE CALLS AND IN SPIRIT – EVEN WHEN SHE SEEMINGLY LETS YOU GO AT THE MOST DIFFICULT TIME. You have the choice: To grow, to see and understand what she does, and that she does this out of love (always); or to complain and stay in your safe place, closing your eyes to the world and – in the end – to yourself.
Well, I choose to love, live, move forward, staying in the moment, staying with me in a loving and passionate way!
I am feeling so much gratitude right now toward you, Leona. And yes, it feels in a way like a closing of our coaching sessions, yet I know we will be connected forever.
Beware, this is what Leona does! She loves you, guides you, yet lets you loose and free, making your own choices. This is what coaching can be, this is what coaching with Leona is, and I can tell you, I never felt this way before when I had coaching.
So I would do the same again, applying for the scholarship, soaking up everything, and finally realizing that it is all ME….
My next steps? Getting really clear on what I want, what I need – and let the rest go, finally.
April 6, 2016
The feeling of loving myself and being enough for myself does give me so much grounding, it has changed everything. And reading through some journaling from my inner journeys in 2011 helped to realize that I was ready then for you coaching - so grateful to have been chosen for this coaching cycle!
One of the most powerful 'tools' and awareness you nudged me gently towards was my relationship with the masculine, which became even more of an issue because of me being a business owner. The way you helped me going through this, making it possible for me to heal, still feels so good and amazing.
Realizing that I was in a constant ‘war’ and struggle with the masculine, be it internally or externally, coupled with the belief that I needed to be strong and tough to be successful, was huge for me. And learning that being vulnerable, doing business in a female way, was so powerful, changed everything. Now I am ‘powerfully vulnerable’ J.
I am feeling loved, loving, calm yet very, very energized. Being at peace with my inner male, having merged my inner male and female, grounds me and gives me wings at the same time.
Another area was my relationship with money/prosperity. You tought me that letting go, seeing prosperity as something so much more than just the material things changes so much. And it did for me. When I started to change my view, my business took off!
Thank you so much for all your guidance, your love and your understanding, Leona!
9/10/2016 08:41:31 pm
What a BEAUTIFUL article Monika, thanks for sharing....
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