You know it know longer serves you. You think you have kicked this energy out and yet it keeps sneaking back every time you get a little closer to your desire. That is why you are here today, to empower yourself with more knowledge and tools so you can experience more of what you desire and love now.
Shame has been used for centuries to keep communities together, doing so by shaming people into conforming. Our society has kept this up and instead of bringing people together it has caused people to retreat and isolate themselves.
Everyone has felt the emotional effects of shame at one point or another: embarrassment, fear, shyness, anger, rage, anxiety, envy and anytime there is an emotional reaction to something the body will respond physically.
We see this with heartache, you can literally feel the tightening in your chest, there is also scientific evidence that an emotional heartbreak can cause damage to the strings in the heart.
We see this with stress – the symptoms are endless really but stomach aches, tense muscles, headaches, crying etc.
Shame is one of those emotions that comes up when you believe that there is something wrong with you. It is different from guilt in that guilt is the belief you have done something wrong, something for which there is usually a remedy or amends for. Shame is deep seated. It is literally a strike against the soul.
Shame is believing that who you are is not enough, broken, damaged, no good, wrong, sinful.
The thing about shame is that, it comes from thinking a belief that is untrue. Either by a standard set by society, your family or yourself through observation and interpretation.
Awareness is the first step in starting to release shame. Noticing when you feel the effects of shame and digging deeper into recognizing where this comes from. A lot of the shame that is felt comes from childhood, it may have been a big event or one thing someone said or did to you. Either way it is important to notice it and then allow yourself to release it.
Physiologically your body will respond to the emotion of shame and in turn you will experience immediate symptoms such as:
Shrinking yourself smaller
Diverting eye contact
But moreover the long term effects of shame run deeper and can be felt even when you are not consciously aware of feeling shame.
Shame creates a stress response and stress creates a cortisol release. If you are a highly sensitive person, you are already likely in fight or flight mode more often than not which means you are Heading into if not already, an adrenaline deficit. Being ashamed of who you are because you are “different” from the majority of the population adds to the stress you already feel as a sensitive. It can be a viscous cycle if it is not managed.
Digestive issues abound in someone who is living behind a veil of shame.
Inflammation & infection is higher in bodies that are subjected to constant shame.
As every emotion has a physical counterpart the effects of shame are felt in the pancreas and duodenum. These are the parts of your body that are crucial to digestion and elimination. When shame is felt in the body, these organs want to expel. They want to work to get rid of what feels “disgusting” <- the root of shame. Holding the emotion of shame in your body can cause further damage to these organs.
Shame can lay a heavy beating on your immune system , digestive system and overall your ability and will to thrive in this world.
Let me ask you this. Have you ever had any experiences where you had to keep your truth quiet, particularly as a child? Well it’s time to reclaim your truth and value its power. By doing so, you will release energy, old shame, and subconscious blocks that may now be holding you back from living your life to the fullest.
It could be that you had lots of family secrets that your parents made sure you told no one about (which creates shame), or it could be you were bullied and felt unable to confide in anyone about it.
There are many circumstances where we have our truth kept locked in, and unintentionally we create shame around our truths. If you feel unable to speak your truth, then you feel shame. It’s nature’s law.
When we become shameful of our truths, we end up cutting off, discrediting, and devaluing a hugely important chunk of who we are and how we show up in the world.
This is true for me. When I was growing up, my parents had an emotionally abusive relationship, and I was sworn to secrecy about it. My parents wanted no one outside of the house to know what was going on. My sister and I had to practice the perception of perfection. Those cute little girls in their matching dresses and hair in ponytails. They are so polite and quiet, all the outsiders would say. Wow you have the nicest girls. They get up from the table and clear it without being asked. This is what the world saw. Not the unstable life on the inside. Parents constantly fighting. Our mother whose self esteem was so low and lived with her own mountain of guilt and shame acquired from her own childhood. So now it was being reflected on us little girls and her words would cut us like a sword and rip our hearts out. Then the next moment she would feel guilty and pull us back together so we looked like little dolls that were so precious. The stress it put on my sister and I to hold it all together on the outside. Never cry cause it shows a sign of weakness. Make sure you have good marks in school. Well that won’t matter cause you will be like the other generations of women before. Pregnant by 16 and not finishing high school. Wow. No shame intended here. Can you hear it in my voice? Sarcasm.
Then there was my father had anger issues and dealt with his emotions thru alcohol. He also had his own issues of shame given to him from his mother and father. Now don’t get me wrong, my parents were doing the best they could with the tools and experiences they had. They both loved us and we loved them. Yet what I learned growing up was it was better to not speak up or voice my feelings. Living under the same roof as them, it was impossible for me to not be affected by what was happening, yet I was unable to have my experience validated.
My parents were busy fighting, being in tension, or creating drama, and I was conditioned to not talk to anyone about “the troubles at home.” So my truth was shut down, kept only to me, my sister and my journal.
After my parents divorced, it didn’t getting any easier. Actually there was more shame attached to this. It actually affected my self esteem way down (which I kept under wraps as most thought I was a very confident young woman) I eventually moved out and on to college, and started my adult life. I felt proud of myself for staying strong through all the tough times at home, for being an emotional rock for my mother, and for forgiving my father for not being the kind of dad I wanted him to be.
Yet in my early twenties, things started to shift. After a few career U-turns, few rocky love affairs, a few years of experiencing Europe. I started to feel unsure of myself, and it started to bring up emotions I hadn’t felt for a long while.
For a long time, I’d considered myself to be strong, independent, and able to make decisions easily, and I was, overall, really confident. During my job changes, I felt unsure, doubtful, confused, and shameful.
Curious, I wanted to know where this shame came from. When in my life previously had I felt shame strongly? It led me back to when I was unable to truly have presence as “me” growing up—I was the girl who could only be a silent participant in an unhealthy household.
When I was told to not talk to anyone about what was going on, it was as if being told that my truth, perspective, and feelings were shameful.
At first I felt angry toward my parents, and any adults who may have known what had been going on but hadn’t shown concern towards my experience of the situation. But then, like a scientist, I detached and focused on how to release the shame.
I could see that some part of me must still be carrying shame toward speaking my truth, and the only way to release it was to share my truth.
So I told my story to a trusted friend. I didn’t leave anything out and quickly started to feel better. No one outside my family had known about what was going on, or what I’d experienced and seen. By telling someone outside of the family, I felt a shift—as if a spell was being broken.
Telling my truth did not make the sky fall down. It did not make me feel shameful. And it helped me see that while I’d been nurturing the brave, confident, no-BS side of me, there was a neglected side of me that needed to be seen—lonely, frustrated, confused, ignored.
Those “negative” aspects of ourselves are often the emotions we try to avoid, but as I began to validate them it helped me feel more compassion toward myself.
Feeling proud of yourself for your good qualities is one thing; being able to embrace yourself when you feel anger, resentment, or jealousy is another. And I learned that I have a “right” to feel all things.
Just as it’s okay to be excited, happy, and content, it’s also okay to feel sad, nervous, and bored.
Especially if you had an incident as a youngster where your “negative emotions” weren’t given space to be expressed, it’s important to be able to validate them now as an adult.
A lot of self-love work is about uncovering that hidden part of yourself and giving it light, room to breathe, capacity to exist. When we deny any part of ourselves we are not allowing ourselves to be truly who we are.
That’s not to say we should broadcast all our vulnerabilities on Facebook or go share with people who we know are incapable of honouring our truth. It could mean seeing a counsellor, a coach, a mentor or airing it to a non-judgmental support network.
When we realize we were “made” to keep our truths hidden by our environment or others, the first natural step is to feel angry, especially if this pattern of having to keep quiet took place as a kid or teen. Why didn’t the adults in our lives do the right thing and give us space to be heard?
Normally it had to do with their fears, insecurities, shames, and inability to face the truths for themselves. The important thing is to accept that they were unable to have done anything differently—to have provided you with what you needed.
Whatever you feel you needed from them (validation, support, safety to speak truth), accept and make peace with the fact you will never get these things from them. You can’t re-write history, and it may be likely that they are still, now, incapable of giving these things to you.
What we can do today, right now, is begin to release the habit of self-repression that we may have inherited from the past.
How do we do that?
Start to shine light and love on your truth, whether that’s turning your attention to your true passions that may have been ignored or taking baby steps to speak up on what doesn’t work for you.
Often we swallow our own opinions or needs in order to “keep the peace.” It’s time to take very small steps to rock the boat!
If you are subconsciously holding out for someone else to finally “See you” or love the real you, drop in with yourself and ask:
“Do I see the “real” me? Am I allowing my true self to be voiced, to be seen, to take up space?”
Do you have spaces in your life where you can “drop your guard” and be authentic?
I’ve found that having my truths validated is hugely important, and the following simple exercise is a good place to help you start:
Visualize a kind, benevolent being (which could be a trusted friend or person you know or your preferred idea of the universe/higher power/spirit) is with you and is saying this to you:
“I love that you love…”
And then allow yourself to list all the things you love! Write it down as a list.
“I love that you love making art. I love that you love dancing. I love that you love to have fun.”
This always leaves me feeling re-affirmed and self-secure. It never fails to make me feel happy to be me. And it allows me to feel loved for who I truly am, not for what I do for others.
If you have repressed anger or frustration/resentment (which is likely when we repress part of ourselves), find ways to healthily express it (for example a martial arts class).
I hope this helps you with your journey to truly valuing who you are at your core. Send love and validation to the aspects of yourself that perhaps your peers, family, and colleagues didn't or don't “get.” You have to expand to be all of yourself.
What’s the story?
Shame doesn’t appear from nowhere. It’s a form of conditioning that inhabits your mind, heart, body, and spirit. Maybe you were somehow made to feel ashamed of yourself when you were young – ashamed of who you are, your level of intelligence, your body.
There might be a story of shame that you’ve carried for a long time, but it’s actually a role you’ve taken on that is optional. Start to tell yourself that this shame story doesn’t have to define you.
Remember that who you are is not this story. Your essence is whole, not separate from anything, and boundlessly free.
Practice: Stand up and feel yourself in that familiar story of shame. Yes, right now! Just try it. Now, take a big step to one side and leave the story behind. Feel yourself minus the story. This is the possibility for you.
How does shame live in your body?
Every emotion has a physical component to it. Getting to know shame includes knowing how it lives in your body.
It may take some time to discover the physical experience of shame because it’s become so commonplace to you. Get quiet and bring your attention to your body. Then notice any physical sensations and places of numbness. You don’t need to do anything about them.
This is an exercise in simply meeting in open awareness what has been there anyway. It’s about making friends with the physical part of shame.
When you realize you don’t need to live the story of shame and you become aware of the sensations, the heaviness of this identity begins to dissolve. It’s the road to freedom.
Practice: As much as possible, a hundred times a day if necessary, bring your attention into your body and just be with whatever is happening. There’s no need to do anything; just simply be.
How you speak to yourself
Our inner self-talk can be so painfully harsh. And if you look at the root of what drives it, you’ll find shame, that feeling that there’s something terribly wrong—or worse—about you. Once you begin meeting the shame directly—by not being so captured by the story and feeling the physical sensations—this way of speaking to yourself starts to not even make sense anymore.
Let’s tell the truth. Are you actually that incompetent, inadequate so-and-so you think you are? If you look at these inner statements with the objective eyes of a scientist, you’ll be able to punch holes in them immediately.
By now, this negative self-talk is a habit that needs your attention, and the more intelligent focus you give it, the more it will unravel. Commit to recognizing this voice and letting its reign over you diminish.
Practice: Start by assuming that this damaging inner voice isn’t accurate and doesn’t serve. This is the truth. At least once every day, turn your attention away from these self-critical thoughts and let them float on by like clouds. Be the sky—vast, empty, and serene. Start to live here as much as possible and the critical thoughts begin to lose their power.
Know how and why you isolate
Living with shame is lonely and isolating. It makes you believe that no one would want to get close to you, which justifies your pushing them away. How do you do that? By being critical and judgmental of others.
Recognizing the urge to isolate is essential to moving through shame. Because it is a sign that your shame identity has taken charge. When you find yourself judging others and feeling separate, this is your golden moment to begin asking questions about your experience. What story do you believe? How do you feel in your body?
Not judging shame and welcoming it instead is the beginning of forming a new, healthy relationship—with yourself. Then you don’t need to be critical of others or push them away. You’re more available, authentic, and courageously vulnerable. And others will love you for it.
Practice: Recognize when you judge others and realize this is about you: it makes you feel separate. Is shame at the root of this need to separate? Inquire into what you’re thinking and feeling. Realize the possibility of a true connection with others.
Is there fear there?
Shame and fear often go hand in hand. You’re afraid of being seen for who you are. And at the same time, you fear being alone. You’re afraid you’re damaged goods, doomed to a life of misery.
As you get to know shame, become aware of various fears that may be lurking. Bring fear, too, out of the shadows and meet it lovingly.
Practice: Check to see if fear is present. Let down your resistance and allow it in, especially how it appears in your body. Like a long-lost child returning home, embrace the fear. Let it be there for as long as it wants to.
Moving ForwardFind the strength in being vulnerable
Vulnerability gets a bad rap these days. But what it actually offers you is the relief from having to hide from yourself, the simplicity of just being as you are without having to change anything.
Whatever you feel is your present moment experience. Resisting it creates endless suffering, and welcoming it in is the path to inner peace. This is the medicine for the secret of shame.
Be as you are. Not in the story of who you think you are that is denigrating and destructive—you’ve lived there long enough. Instead, shift your attention away from these thoughts, and allow your current experience as it is. These sensations…this breath…touching…hearing…looking…speaking…
It’s so relaxing because you don’t have to hide or grasp. You can just be.
Practice: Begin to get comfortable being with whatever you are experiencing in any given moment. Start with just a few moments until you see that it’s OK, that whatever you’re afraid will happen, won’t. Then, more and more, let yourself be.
Sacred honesty—with yourself
When you live in shame, you are constantly lying to yourself. You draw yourself into a trance that makes you believe you are inadequate, unworthy, and just plain wrong. The truth? It’s just plain inaccurate.
Healing from shame invites radical honesty. Are you up for it?
Whenever you are feeling separate and lacking, question your experience. Find the gap (#2 above), and recognize the thoughts and feelings in your body that have taken hold.
Then realize that who you are is so much more than this identity. To be perfectly honest, you are whole, unbroken, and infinitely at peace. Keep returning here. Become more and more transparent so the light of truth shines through.
Practice: Investigate your direct experience with a discerning eye to see what is true and what is false. Live in the truth of yourself as whole, full, pure, and capable.
Wide open heart
Shame is all about limitation, holding back, and keeping yourself separate and isolated. And where is your heart? Wounded, stuck, and closed.
Begin to live with a heart wide open. Move your attention outside of your head to notice the beauty and tenderness around you. It’s been there all along, you just haven’t noticed. Let yourself be touched by the simple experiences of daily life.
Shame is a filter that keeps you from life, and dissolving the filter leaves you available and receptive. Without even trying, you begin to notice love and appreciation. Where before you held back, now you engage.
Recovering from shame opens you to being fully alive!
Practice: Find within you the courage to begin to open your heart. Instead of being absorbed in shame, experience things—and people—with fresh eyes. When you notice that you are closed, open…open…open…
It's not easy to deal with painful emotions head-on. But it's a key to good health and well-being physically, mentally, and spiritually. If we don’t deal with pain when it occurs, it will resurface as compounded emotional toxicity later on — showing up as insomnia, hostility, and anger, or fear and anxiety.
As a further complication, if you don’t know how to deal with feelings of anger and fear, you're likely to turn them inward at yourself, believing, “It’s all my fault.” That guilt depletes our physical, emotional, and spiritual energy until any initiative or movement feels impossible. We feel exhausted and paralyzed, leading to depression.
You can learn how to recognize painful emotions right away and how to effectively "metabolize" and eliminate pain.
Overcoming difficult emotions such as fear, anger, guilt, and anxiety can bring the same disguised benefits that dealing with a physical illness can bring. Patients suffering from life-threatening illness often report that their diseases have taught them to love and value the other people in their lives more deeply than before they became ill. During recovery they learn to appreciate and understand areas of life that they took for granted before. While anger, fear, and worry are not diseases, we can grow from them even as we process them to become the person we want to be.
By turning to our inherent intelligence, harmony, and creativity, we can create a positive outcome; but if we are emotionally turbulent, we are too agitated to access that possibility.
WHY MEDITATION IS PART OF THIS EXERCISEThrough meditation we can experience our silent self beyond our thoughts and emotions. This is our internal reference point for equilibrium. From here we can create a desired outcome. To restore balance in our life, meditation must be an essential ingredient.
It is also important to support this with balanced activity in the basic areas of diet, exercise, and sleep. While some of these meditation exercises do not require any, we recommend our simple and effective meditation accessories for beginners.
Assuming these fundamental balancing components are in place, I would offer an additional exercise to specifically address what to do in the face of intense anxiety and fear.
LEARN HOW TO METABOLIZE PAIN WITH THIS SEVEN-STEP EXERCISEToxic, turbulent emotions have one cause — not knowing how to deal with pain. Pain is normal in life, but suffering isn’t. When we do not know how to deal with pain, we suffer.
IDENTIFY AND LOCATE THE EMOTION PHYSICALLYSet aside a few minutes when you won’t be disturbed. Pick any quiet place where you feel calm. It is recommended to take a seat that is sturdy, yet comfortable. The best practice is sitting up straight. The floor is not a bad idea, but this can become uncomfortable very quickly. Our meditation seating options are a strong and accessible alternative for those who seek deep meditation with both physical and emotional comfort. Sit in a relaxed position and close your eyes. For a few minutes, just meditate in silence. Focus on your breathing — or if you prefer, you may use a mantra.
Now with eyes still closed, recall some circumstance in the recent past that was upsetting to you. It may be a time when you felt you were mistreated, an argument with your partner, or perhaps a past injustice at work. Identify some instance where you felt emotionally upset.
For the next 30 seconds, think in detail about that incident. Try to picture what actually happened as vividly as you can, as if you were reporting it for a newspaper. Here, you are the observer watching this event. You are not the event, argument, or emotional upset; you are merely witnessing what is happening from the perspective of your silent self. You are carrying the effect of the meditation you just did, allowing you to maintain a vantage point that is not overshadowed by the intensity of the emotions.
Now identify exactly what you are feeling. Put some word on the incident that describes what you are experiencing. Be as precise as you can. Do you feel unappreciated? Insulted? Treated unfairly? Give the feeling a name. Come up with a word that epitomizes the painful experience. Focus your attention on that word.
WITNESS THE EXPERIENCEGradually allow your attention to move away from the word. Let your attention wander into your body. Become aware of the physical sensations that arise in your body as a result of the emotion you’ve identified.
These two elements — an idea in the mind and a physical sensation in the body — are what an emotion truly is, and they can’t really be separated. This is why we call it a feeling — because we feel emotions in our bodies.
Let your attention pass through your body as you’re recalling this experience. Locate the sensations the memory brings up. For many it’s a pressure in the chest or a sensation of tightness in the gut. Some feel it as pressure in their throat. Find where it is in your body that you’re feeling and holding the emotional experience.
EXPRESS THE EMOTIONNow express that feeling. Place your hand on the part of your body where you sense that the feeling is located. Say it out loud: “It hurts here.” If you’re aware of more than one location for the pain, move your hand from place to place. At every location, pause for a moment and express what you’re feeling. Say, “It hurts here.”
When you experience physical discomfort, it means that something is unbalanced in your experience — physically, mentally, or spiritually. Your body knows it — every cell in your body knows it. Befriend these sensations and their wisdom, because the pain is actually leading you to wholeness.
Writing your feelings out on paper is also a valuable way to express the emotion. This is especially effective when you can write out your painful experience in the first person, in the second person, and finally from the perspective of a third-person account.
TAKE RESPONSIBILITYBe aware that any painful feelings you experience are your feelings. These feelings are happening inside your body now as you remember the pain, even though nothing is actually taking place in the material world. You’re only remembering what happened, yet your body is reacting with muscle contractions, hormonal secretions, and other responses within you. Even when the painful incident was occurring in the material world, the effect was entirely within you. You have a choice in how you interpret and respond to emotional turbulence. Recognizing this is taking responsibility for your feelings.
This doesn’t mean you feel guilty. Instead, it means you recognize your ability to respond to painful situations in new and creative ways. By taking responsibility for your feelings, you can also gain the power to make the pain melt away. You’re no longer blaming anyone else for having caused the pain, so you no longer have to depend on anyone else to make it go away. Hold that understanding in your consciousness for the next few moments.
RELEASE THE EMOTIONPlace your attention on the part of your body where you’re holding the pain, and with every exhalation of your breath, have an intention of releasing that tension. For the next 30 seconds, just feel the painful sensation leaving your body with every breath. Some people find that making an audible tone that resonates in that part of your body where the pain is localized helps to loosen and lift the contraction away.
You can also experiment to discover what works best for you. For some people, singing or dancing does the trick. You may try deep breathing, using essential oils, or taking a long warm bath. Finally, if you have written out your emotions on paper, it can be helpful to ritually burn the paper and offer the ashes to the winds.
SHARE THE OUTCOMESharing the outcome of releasing your pain is important because it activates the new pattern of behaviour after the old painful pattern is released. Imagine that you could speak to the person who was involved in that original painful incident. What would you say to that person now?
Bear in mind that he/she was not the real cause of your pain. The real cause was your response. In your transformed state, you are now free. So you can share what happened without blame, manipulation, or seeking approval. Perhaps they intended to cause you pain, and you may have unwittingly collaborated in that intention. Maybe you would like to say you no longer intend to fall into such traps.
Whatever you say is totally up to you. As long as you have an awareness of the steps we’ve taken so far in this exercise, whatever you say will be right for you.
CELEBRATE THE PROCESSNow you can celebrate the painful experience that had taken place as the valuable material that helped you move to a higher level of consciousness. What was previously a disconnected, destructive, and disabled part of your psyche is now integrated and contributing its power toward your greater spiritual goal. Instead of responding to the situation with a pain reflex, perpetuating the problem, you’ve turned it into an opportunity for spiritual transformation. That is something to celebrate! Go out for a nice dinner or buy yourself some flowers or a present to honour the new you.
Use this exercise whenever you feel upset, to free yourself from emotional turbulence and the underlying pain. When you do that, you’ll find that opportunities will arise more often in every area of your life.
If you are ready to receive more of what you desire in this life. More love. Healthier relationships. A better relationship with your body and the love you have for yourself. I am inviting you to a 30 minute call with me. Let’s do this. Raise your hand if you would like to have a call with me. Let’s set up a call now. Contact me at RAISING MY HAND!!!
Much love and light always,
Over the bridge I go, where I stop nobody knows.
The last month has been a month of transition. I have moved from Portugal. Packed up my life and marriage in Paris. Transitioned back to Canada. Turned 51. Left a job. Searched for a new one. Accepted a new job offer. Moved into a home. Scrubbed and painted my new home. Started a new certification process as a Health and Fitness Instructor. All while being in the most powerful and energetic times that this planet and humanity has ever experienced. Oh and I forgot, I gave up Gluten and Dairy this month as well. Just a few things.
Incredible. No wonder why I am up at 144 in the morning writing this blog. My mind is constantly whirling. My body is in physical pain. My spirit is on fire and I can feel myself within all worlds. Does that make any sense? There is so much going on that I don’t even know where to start. Yet spirit prompts me to wake and write. Even though I am not sure what to share, the importance of sharing my energy and thoughts with you is too powerful not to listen. So here I am.
What does it all mean? We are in the midst of a powerful transition into a new world. We are moving at phenomenal speeds. The best thing is to let go and be in the flow. All while doing the very best that we can. I have learned lately to take even better care of myself. Listen to those prompting thoughts and shift and flow with them. Surrender. It is easier than resisting. Listen and act. Even if it is at 144 in the morning. Love myself. Share with others because I know I am not alone.
My physical self is shifting. I feel my strength in every muscle. I am stretching myself into places that are considerably uncomfortable. Yes my body hurts from my finger tips to my toes. Yet I am loving that I feel all of it. My face has changed as well. My brain feels alert and more alive than ever. I am surrounded with love, so much love. At the same time I feel my heart missing some comforts of the past. My old life. I find my mind is flooded with memories of what use to be…I am also grieving as I am transitioning. Instead of holding on, I allow myself to feel and remember and sometimes cry. Then I breath and feel into my heart. I feel the courage it has taken to transition into the unknown. The immense amount of trust in myself, Source and Universe that I am being Guided over the bridge into the new world. That all will be amazing. All is amazing.
We are in an incredible time. Remember you are not alone. Remember…I signed up for this. It is a great time of joy. My life has prepared me for this time of transition. My experiences have gifted me wisdom so I may lead others as they transition.
My gifts have been heightened. My journeys have brought me back to Canada to assist others as they transition. I am truly grateful.
Remember you are love. Your spiritual journey requires a fundamental ingredient…SELF-LOVE. Be strong. Stay connected. Be love.
Always and forever, Leona
#love #light #self-love #gratitude #together
When I was in Ireland a few years ago, I heard this expression “Feck it!” I loved it. I put it in my back pocket and stored it for the appropriate moments in life. You know the ones I am talking about. When things don’t go as planned, you say “Feck it!” and move on. Perhaps in my wiser years, which I have proclaimed I am in now. The words “Feck it!” are more than necessary. With travelling around the world as well you need to have a little “Feck it!” from time to time or else you would end up stressed and in a ball of tears in the middle of a foreign country at your wits end.
“Feck it!” is my new motto. Life is too full of complications, expectations, measurements, stresses and fears to be attached to a PLAN. Sometimes you just have to say,“Feck it!”
Now by the end of this article you will be saying “Feck it!” too as I have repeated it enough times for it to become your new motto as well.
I am at a time in my life where I am moving at the speed of Leona and being the woman that I always desired to be. Free on every level! I travel the world, I work from my computer and in any country that I desire. I am surrounded with loved ones. I choose to express myself how I may without any attachment to how it is received. I experience everything that I choose to say yes to. And sometimes when things don’t go as planned or life just throws me a curve ball. I just say “Feck it!” I put my hands up in the air and take a deep breath. Trusting that the bigger plan is at play and I just need to let go of the reigns. And every time I do, it is just bigger and better and more beautiful that I had imagined.
My point is maybe it is time to let go a little more. Trust a little more. Breathe a little more. BE a little more. Just say “Feck it” and see what happens. Why not?
Enjoy your life! Sending you love and courage to live the life that you desire NOW!
Love always, Leona
You probably were at the playground or walking along a path. Picked a flower and started picking each petal...He loves me. He loves me not. Remember. Allows trying to arrive at the point where...He loves me.
I am not sure boys ever played this game yet I am sure the thoughts of She loves me, she loves me not have run through their minds. The point being, since we have been children we have been looking for LOVE outside of ourselves.
Which brings me to a song that runs through my head from time to time "Looking for LOVE in all the wrong places."
See this is our challenge. We have been taught from a young age to look for love outside of ourselves and it begins with the relationship of our parents. From the moment we receive a smile from something we did as a very tiny baby, we would repeat the behaviour because it evoked a positive response. So the patterns repeat as we receive a smile, a hug, a cuddle, recognition and so on. We strive for that feeling of love from someone else. This pattern grows and expands into a deep program that can remain with us for the rest of our life. We can become disappointed and even depressed if we have a relationship where we are not receiving love. These patterns and programs can lead to a life time of relationship ups and downs. So how do we break through this belief that love comes from another.
You got it! Self-Love is the magical key to your kingdom of LOVE! Of course it is a perfect time to talk about LOVE as we enter into the famous month of February where hearts, love, gifts and so on overwhelm us and remind us of our lack of love we may have with another or love that is not good enough. Yikes! Don't get me started on Valentines Day! With my birthday being the day before, I have always had a bee in my bonnet with receiving heart shaped cakes, heart cards, wrapping paper, etc. See! I said don't get me started.
LOVE must come from the inside first before we can attract the love on the outside that we desire. How could we possibly expect another to love us unconditionally, when we don't love ourselves. Every single aspect of ourselves fully. How can we possibly expect another to adore and cherish us, if we don't ourselves. How can we expect another to completely understand us and our needs, when we don't understand ourself.
My suggestion is to spend some time with yourself this month. Get to know who you really are. What are your best qualities? Do you love every aspect of yourself? Even your dark side. Hmm...Give yourself the gift of LOVE this month.
As my gift to you, send me a message thru here and I will GIFT you my e-book "Your Self-Love Guide"
**If you really want to know, LOVE is energy, not a feeling. Just thought I would drop that thought provoking statement to get you really tapping in to your heart this month**
Love and light always, Leona
Here we go! Truth time!
Being 50 and beautiful is at a whole other level. What does it mean to be beautiful at my age?
Let’s face it, beauty at 20, 30 and 40 is an outside experience. Always thinking about things like…How is my hair? What about my make up? What about my skin? I have to have the latest fashion look.
Quite honestly, I still have these moments. I am a Goddess! Of course, I care about what I look like. The biggest difference is I don’t care what YOU think I look like because I love all of myself.
Trust me when I say this…this did not happen overnight. This has been a 35 plus year project. Lol I crack myself up. Yet, it is true. I have struggled with my inner and outer beauty for years, yet most didn’t know it. People thought that I was confident and brave and “didn’t give a shit.” Yet I did, more than I ever care to admit. I didn’t consciously realize it most of the time though. I loved and adored fashion and the latest looks. Hence, why I wanted to move to Paris the capital of fashion and beauty in the first place. The place where you are most judged by your outer appearance and where most don’t give a flying F**K what is happening on the inside. Until the moment you are sitting in front of your doctor and he or she is prescribing you with an anti-depressant. Yes, France has one of the highest rates of depression on the planet! Crazy right?!? In fact, middle aged women actually have the highest rates of depression with the disorder being most prevalent among women age 40 to 59 years old. Yikes! As a side note, I am not leaving men out, they suffer as much as we do. We just don't talk about it.
It makes complete sense when we are being judged on our outer appearances and the results that we must produce. We are all overwhelmed with thousands upon thousands of products and the ways to appear younger, tighter, firmer, bustier and more! No pressure.
Yet on the flip side, I have seen it in the smallest of children as they strive for perfection and are never good enough. Yes, this is also in all countries around the world. Yet my experience in France I have seen it amplified.
Also, as a professional Self-Love Expert, I have experienced an increase in clients striving for more Self-Confidence and a desire for an increase in Self-Esteem.
So, what does this have to do with “Beauty At My Age”?
Everything. See Beauty stems from the inside and the more I have studied this and have assisted others on their journeys, the more this truth rings loud and clear!
The day I woke up on my 50th birthday and looked in the mirror. I remember seeing Leona. This beautiful young woman with wisdom lines around her eyes and realized you are the most beautiful I have ever seen you. Look at you, confident, self-assured, radiant, living the life of your dreams, experienced and wiser than you have ever been.
Don’t get me wrong here. I love my beauty products. All my creams and lotions and magic potions. The difference again is I Love Myself! I am not striving for perfection on the outside, I am enjoying the perfection on the inside. Yet I also love to experience my outside beauty to the fullest. Does that make sense?
I also want to let you in on a little secret. Last year when I turned 50…I was offered to work with a series of companies in the Beauty industry who create Quantum Energetic Beauty Products. Their products align you on the inside, so you may experience more of your true outer beauty. So of course, it was an easy yes and fits perfectly in alignment with my work as a Self-Love Expert. Hmm…funny how the Universe works.
Beauty at my age is so much more than what we are taught and shown. Beauty at my age is the accumulation of life experiences. It is the realization that my beauty stems from the inside.
I love myself! All of me! That is my desire for all of humanity! To realize their beauty at ANY AGE and enjoy the experience.
I would love to hear your thoughts around Beauty.
Much love and light always,
By definition, Beauty is something that is pleasing to the sensory systems or the mind, aesthetically. Simple enough, right? And yet, there is a deeper, more conscious context within which to discuss and analyze beauty. Have you ever walked into a party and felt the presence of one person who is lighting up the room, dazzling the crowd through words, gestures, and intrigue? She may or may not be stunningly gorgeous. Either way, people are drawn to her and so you will judge her through rose-colored glasses because of the way she makes people feel and the reaction she receives from the crowd. On the contrary, have you ever looked at a model that you acknowledge intellectually as attractive, yet you experience no real draw? They have all the right symmetrical features, that perfect body, and yet when you look in their eyes, you feel nothing. Dead energy. There is no captivation factor.
This person simply does not warm you. For example, I can’t tell you how many textbook “hot” guys I have absolutely no interest in. I am neither captivated nor attracted. The mojo is missing. And do you know what the difference is? Captivation and perception of beauty has everything to do with one’s capacity to emit frequency and to hold a denser field of photons in the energy that imbues and surrounds the physical body. In other words, beauty has to do with one’s ability to hold light, literally. Light is what draws. Light is what captures. Light is what heals. Light feels good. Light is beauty. It was the late, great Maya Angelou who said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
When we discuss aesthetics, we refer to what is pleasing to the senses and how we interpret what is "beautiful". From my work as an "Energy Healer and Heart Activator" using a variety of techniques to purify the multidimensional energy systems in order to reconnect my client with their inner glow and high-vibe, “sparkle factor”, while having a background in fashion, I know that the interpretation of what we find attractive has a much more holistic range than what is commonly discussed. Looking exclusively at someone’s physical appearance in judgment of attractiveness is like focusing on one colour of the rainbow, when you feel the rich, expansive diversity of light from the entire spectrum of photons and the power of that full range is what magnetically draws you in. And yet you call that feeling “pink”, because your scope of awareness is limited. Usually, people aren’t fully conscious of why they are attracted to someone, or something. I believe it has everything to do with the relationship between energetic dynamics and the capacity for captivation, and how that relationship affects one’s physical appearance.
You see beautiful ones, to give you a little foundational background: we are Light Beings. Humans are vast and powerful. Humans are multidimensional. When I say this, I mean that there are many dimensions of existence that make up the totality of who you are, beyond this physical understanding. We are made of matter, but behind all matter is an energetic component and the energy systems behind the physical body are beautiful, complex and connected to spirit. We learn that all matter has an energetic component in middle school science classes, but fail as adults to apply this idea to the human body. In fact, everything is energy. Energy is the substance that precedes all physical manifestations in this world. We are drawn to energy or we are repelled by energy. We discuss someone’s “vibe” without fully understanding that this concept refers to the rate at which one literally vibrates.
And guess what? You can shift your vibration. This is your power. The higher your vibration the more light you hold in your field. And know this: what exists as vibrational patterns within you will be manifested into your external world physically. This is Law of Attraction 101. So, instead of focusing on the external component of a difficult situation, we must first learn to focus internally and balance the vibrations. Thereafter, continue to focus on healing the physical components.
Often those who wish to release weight are dealing with a deeper, core energetic pattern associated with the need to protect oneself, and commonly an inability to let go of the past. They are heavy in their field, thus heavy in their bodies. Focusing on light and Self-Love must come first, or at least accompany the physical measures you take to release weight. And so it is with beauty. If there is a blockage in your internal or external energy field often times we will see this in facial features, skin rashes, dark circles, puffiness, bloating, lack of radiance, skin blemishes and acne, weight loss, weight gain, tightness in the jaw, poor posture, or even hair loss. People who unconsciously slump their shoulders are energetically trying to protect their hearts.
So you see, it really is amazing, and quite a new realization through my experiences with my clients, that sometimes after a session people will physically look younger, brighter and more relaxed. And to reiterate, the reason is that when we hold onto blockages in our energy, often times you see it physically. So the old saying goes: "As above so below." This idea relates to my previous explanation that, and I will say it until I am blue in the face, behind all matter is an energetic component. I can literally tell in my friend’s facial features when it’s time for a good ol’ energy clearing
As a culture, we are progressively on the brink of understanding how emotions, vibrations, energy and frequency affect the mind and the body. When you learn to let go of your blockages on an energetic level, it frees up space within your vibrational field to align with the highest possible frequencies of light. As that alignment is reached your outer world will thus reflect your new, empowered state.
You get closer to your natural essence, authenticity, and unique perfection. The physical follows suit to the energetic precedent. Perfection has nothing to do with external standards of symmetry and cultural idolization. Perfection has to do with your genuine alignment with spirit, with the universe, with source energy. When that most important, intimate and powerful relationship is attended to, first and foremost, all else falls into place and the people around you will respond to it. This is when Beauty Meets Divinity. This is when beauty has consciousness and depth. This is where beauty captivates and heals. Hold your light Beautiful Ones and be you. All the power of the universes exist within you, as you learn to harness the full range of your creative capacity. When you do this, you glow. You shine, and your walk becomes Sacred. All we must learn to do is shine the light that we already are.
With love always from me and my team
Who am I kidding? It is always the season to Gift and Receive. It makes my heart sing. I am always looking for opportunities where I can gift back.
Now this is my running pattern and sometimes I can do this to a fault. Do you know what I mean? Okay let me reframe this. Have you ever given, given, given until you are exhausted? Have you given so much you are beginning to feel resentful that it is not being appreciated? You give until there is nothing left of you. Well there are many things underlying this "condition". Yes I believe it is a condition. Now just feel into this and see if any one of these statements ring true for you or trigger you. Are you looking for acknowledgement? Are you lacking in self-worth and searching for your value by over giving? You could be hiding behind this. And lying to yourself. No I just love giving, that is who I am! Are you looking for love and appreciation outside of yourself? Do you secretly fear that if you stop giving, they won't love you for who you are? Does any of this ring true?
Let me tell you a dirty little secret. This was me. This was my sub-conscious pattern that I was not aware of. I was hiding behind over giving and feared that if I stopped being so generous...the love and appreciation would stop. And if I stopped...I would have to look at me and who I really was. Than I would have to look at what my self-worth was. OMG! I would have to go into my heart and look at my truth. Ugh! Yucky right? Let me tell you what happened when Leona started changing her pattern of giving, giving, giving. My worst nightmare happened. Everything I feared came true. First family, loved ones and friends were like what the heck? What is going on? Leona isn't dropping everything for us and fixing our problems. I can't just call Leona and she will over compensate and make everything right. How dare she say no? They were confused. They called me selfish. They said she is so self-absorbed. She cares about no one but herself. Really? Me...selfish and self absorbed. I was none of those things. Yet people closest to me were feeling hurt and betrayed. They stopped talking to me. Even got angry at me. My worst nightmare, no one loved me! The spiralling began. The self-doubt within. Lack of self-worth. Not only did my family stop talking to me, my business was suffering. My marriage was falling apart. My world was spinning out of control and I went into a deep depression.
Yes the Self-Love Expert lost everything she knew to be true. I took a step back from my life. I retreated from everything I knew and sequestered myself into a tiny apartment and told no one where I was. I was a fucking mess and didn't let anyone know. I still pretended sometimes to put on a pretty face and smiled. Yet I was a complete mess. I kept going back and forth to my husband trying desperately to figure this out. What the F***? It was probably the hardest two years of my life.
Why do I share this with you? Because there is huge value in this. We are all growing and learning. Sometimes we need to lose everything we know, so we can expand and truly learn to love ourselves. Because there is an opportunity to come out the other side with so much self love and empowerment. You can choose to be a victim of your experiences or you can choose to be a powerful being that you are. Yes we all have the GIFT of choice. It is the gift that keeps on giving. Choose to expand or choose to withdraw. Which do you choose? I choose to expand and love myself more each moment. I choose to be the best version of me each day and enjoy each experience to the fullest. Even if it is hard.
I have come out the other side of this with so much self love and self awareness. I have learned to love more deeply. I have an awareness of who I truly am. I am love. I feel this in every cell of my body. Now I gift from a place of that knowingness and will always do so. I don't give from a place of lack or trying to fill a void or a place of wanting to be recognized or appreciated. I gift because I am here to be of service and share my experiences. So I choose to be in the most Loving Relationship with myself first and than gift from that place and receive from that space as well. You get to choose whether you want to receive that gift. Oh...receiving is a whole other level to this which I will share more on soon.
Sending you beams of LOVE ENERGY!!!
We know that Joy, Happiness, Bliss and Good Feelings can be obtained through the right experience. We even have science that can measure the effects of this through your heart coherence. See this States of The Heart by the "Heart Math Institute"
The question is how can we sustain these positive feelings when we leave the experience?
I am all about the experience. Heck I created Divine Beauty Experiences
I am all about the high and how can we sustain that feeling of joy, bliss and happiness. That is why I am always on the search for new ways and methods to create this possibility. Not just yoga and meditation, these are great and valuable! Yet I am also about the processes and techniques and products! Leading edge possibilities that think outside of the box.
I want to share something with you very exciting. It’s a combination of the right people, the right places and the right products mixed into an experience that is sustainable after you leave and return home. When I came upon this, every cell in my body began vibrating. Finally, there it is! Everything I have been called to search for, someone else had the brilliant idea to create it.
While I am not an expert in #Beauty products, I do have years of experience and I have travelled the world and have had the luxury of trying a multitude of beauty skincare and cosmetics. So I guess that makes me a self-proclaimed expert. After a few posts on FB and Instagram this amazing Swiss company contacted me and asked if I wanted to try their products. Of course I said YES! Hello. So a few short days later the product arrived. Like a giddy school girl, I danced in circles as I held the box in my hands. Anticipating the gifts! Don’t forget this product knowledge fell into my lap and now was in my hands. I opened up the box and immediately felt gratitude coursing through my veins.
Let me tell you a little bit about this product and the producers. They have been in the skincare business since 1979. They are located in a pristine and beautiful village in Switzerland. They have been certified organic, eco-friendly, green and the first to be certified in #Quantum SkinCare. Oh yes you heard me. Quantum Energetic SkinCare. Instead of me trying to convince you, check out this link.
Here is the laboratory and online store PhytoVillage Online Store
Their Blog PhytoVillage Blog
I am all about releasing the inner beauty so it may resonate on the outside. Now here is a product I can align myself with.
I am very emotional this morning as I write this blog. Not out of anything negative, only out of pure joy and gratitude. Why? Because I am leaving Portugal soon…I will be back. Yet this morning as I was journaling I had this huge wave of emotion come through. Portugal has been a beautiful surprise one after another since I stepped into this country 71 days ago. I have been guided, supported, loved, encouraged, expanded, healed and more through my experiences here. It has been such a positive experience like a warm embrace of something very familiar and a place I will always call home. I have travelled and lived many places and Portugal is my favourite.
Now I want to share with you my biggest surprise and my most amazing blessing here. That is my experience with the masculine. I have made the most amazing male friends here. They all have the biggest hearts, they have been the most generous, have had the kindest words, they have expressed the most thoughtful actions and have been my biggest teachers in this lifetime so far. Now that is a lot to say!
I am truly, truly blessed to have all of these men in my life! They have opened my heart and increased my understanding and awareness of what was required for me to grow and learn. They also held the space with love, understanding and support as Leona is being Leona. This is a huge feat in itself. I am so grateful for all of them. I am sure that if I sat here and named them one by one that they would be embarrassed and say “Leona, no problem. It is only normal to be like this.” They have literally opened the doors for me to heal.
What I also realized is that none of this would have showed up if I had not been ready to RECEIVE this. It is because of all of the years of inner work. All of the years of “failing” at relationships. All of the years of peeling back layers of my mask. All of the years of building up “Am I worthy?” All of this has prepared me to receive the beautiful gifts that the masculine has bestowed upon me. I have come back to my love. My beautiful masculine, here in Portugal. This is where my union happened. I will always be so grateful for the men that stepped forward on my journey to provide me with their gifts to make this all a reality.
My Amazing Knights in Portugal! Actually…my Amazing Kings of Portugal!
I am so tempted to name them one by one. Yet they know who they are. They all have my heart…forever and always.
Every corner that I turn more magic unfolds in the streets of Portugal.
I have been here 3 weeks and each day more miracles unfold to receive.
It was never in my awareness to venture to Portugal until about a year ago. Than the signs started to come to me that I needed to create one of my retreats here. So the journey began. The Universe brought me beautiful connections from Portugal and the energies began to connect and conspire in the background, calling me to be in Portugal. Little did I know at the time, that my plans would go to the wayside for the bigger ones that the Universe had in store for me. Oh what wondrous ways the Universe works...especially when you trust and let go of control.
There has been so much that has unfolded and so much more to come, that I have decided to create a whole vlog/blog dedicated to this journey with the intention of sharing not only the magic of Portugal but also the people, experiences, the love, the awareness, the energy and so much more. So your journey will be enriched and assist you in your growth.
Stay connected and I will share this page soon. I am honoured to be on this journey with you.
Always with love. Leona